How did I go from 213 to ZERO?
I missed my meditation yesterday.
After 213 straight days of devoted 2-30 minute tracked meditations, I f*cking missed it.
And I realized it at 12:36am.
Yes, you heard that right, this is the second time this week that I evaded turning into a pumpkin. In fact, 12:36 is amatuer. Wednesday night I got back home at 2:00 IN THE MORNING.
But back to the meditation.
When it occurred to me (in a haze of 1 more celebratory tequila than I probably needed) that I hadn’t completed my daily mission, I checked the app that’s been tracking me for 30 weeks. Top left corner, which in my mind SHOULD say 214, it said 0.
And a part of me died.
I was so sure I would make it to 365 consecutive days of meditation that NOT making it just never crossed my mind. My initial reaction was all the heavy stuff - disappointment, regret, failure, etc. etc. etc. I never imagined I would forget. But forget I did, and it comes at a perfect time.
I imagine you on the edge of your seat to know exactly why I would consider this “perfect” timing to fail at my mission. Let’s not waste a second in such suspended limbo. I will just tell you.
Last week, I signed a lease on an adorable apartment in my new favorite neighborhood, Cuauhtemoc. Yesterday, I moved in. For a year. Minimum.
So in a way, I am starting at 0. New place, new city, new life, new slate.
See how that aligned?
I could have beat myself up about it. Every time my “failure” crossed my mind, I could have felt defeated and discouraged with myself. But I didn’t, and I don’t.
The other day, on said meditation app, I read a really great quote that I absolutely cannot stop thinking about.
“Sometimes people let the same problem make them miserable for years when they could just say, so what.” - Andy Warhol
JESUS that’s good. Isn’t that good? When something doesn’t go as planned, we have the option to say “SO THE HELL WHAT”.
Think of how many situations we have experienced that we ruminate over for days or months or even years. Imagine just tossing that situation into a bin with an air of “so what?” How light and bright and relieved we would feel!
I encourage you to try it. With a problem, any problem. You might have to do it several times but it’s worth trying. Give the problem less energy, less value. When it pops in your mind, flick it away with a “so what”, and then go do something that makes you happy. Buy flowers or make banana bread or go dancing.
With love (Con amor, maybe I should practice…),
Bethany
