Look where the heck we are now.
I love yoga.
I can’t say I always have. The first class I ever took was at the ripe, judgmental age of 16. I turned on one of my mom’s VHS yoga-at-home tapes and stopped halfway through, convinced it was the dumbest thing in the world.
Look where the heck we are now.
Nearly 20 years of consistent practice and I know for an absolute factthat without yoga, I wouldn’t be me.
It wasn’t until fairly recently, perhaps in the last 5 or 6 years, that I started practicing headstands. It took a long time — when I was a child, my mother had cervical spine surgery. She wore a brace. When it came off, I remember feeling her so fragile, her neck so delicate.
Of course I had no real comprehension of the seriousness of such a surgery, but I must have sensed it, because when it came to practicing headstands (over two decades later), I simply would not do them.
Until one day, I did. And the next day and the next and suddenly, I was someone who did headstands.
Lately, I’ve fallen out of the practice of headstands and so my confidence is waning. On Saturday, I attempted one…and I couldn’t do it. Just couldn’t find that central point of balance required to stay upright (downright?).
My mind went like this: Why? What’s happening? What’s wrong with me? What’s going on internally that’s blocking me from succeeding in this posture? Is it because of my mom’s surgery?
Or is it fear of failure? Where does my fear of failure stem from? Where do I feel like I’m failing in life?
OMG DOESN’T ALL THAT ANALYSIS MAKE YOU WANT TO SMACK ME?
It made me want to smack me. I told myself to shut up (nicely), practice a few at home against a wall, and try again another day.
Not everything has to be so complicated. Sure, maybe there’s a deep-rooted-fear-of-something-you-want-to-blame-on-your-second-grade-teacher but are you really going to spend three days going down that rabbit hole again?
There are times for internal unraveling, and there are times to brush it the hell off and try it again later.
Waste your time wisely.
By, for example, reading my latest articles about Mexico and beyond:
- The Spanish vocabulary you need to know to take yoga in Mexico
- Best weekend getaways from Mexico City by bus: Part 1
- Wander Lust: A sassy, sexy memoir of my journey from the known to the wild unknown
With love,
Bethany
