What if we die and become millionaires?
Here I am, in my fourth minute of a forearm side plank variation with a three pound weight in my top hand, pulsing and tapping and setting my poor little oblique muscles on absolute fire. I stare out the floor to ceiling windows in front of me, taking in a spectacular view of Downtown Miami.
My hope is that the view will distract me from the burning sensation around my abdomen that increases exponentially with each pulse.
It doesn’t. I ignore the instructor’s encouraging words so I can instead focus on my internal thought stream that frequently repeats “I hate barre and I’m never coming again.”
Okay I didn’t quite say that, don’t like the “H’ word, but I did have to fight the urge to give up. (I didn’t give up.) And I do really like barre!!
The instructor is bubbly and happy and fit. She’s very positive, always has been, and I admire her for that. The music in the background is upbeat and lyrical. Suddenly, the beat drops and the singer croons out something about death.
Everyone kind of stops.
Except the instructor.
“Isn’t it weird,” she says, swirling her arms up and over her head in a stretching motion that the class is meant to mimic, “that most people assume death is sad? What if it’s not? What if we die and become millionaires? Or we die and we don’t even need money? We think it’s sad but the reality is, no one really knows what’s gonna happen!”
She is spot on. If you’re reading this, you haven’t died. At least not in this lifetime. And while we do a fantastic job of speculating, the honest truth is that not ONE of us has a tangible clue what to expect of death. Many of us just infer it’s not going to be good, or it’s not going to be as good as being alive.
I’m going to blame it on the cavemen.
Because of those suckers, humans have something innate called negativity bias. We are hardwired to focus on the negative.
Imagine being an actual caveman. You’re sitting outside of your mudhut like the bouncers at LIV in Miami Beach (assuming they are still there, it’s been a solid decade since I’ve stepped foot into LIV). (Okay. Maybe 6 years). You see a lovely little purple flower in the brush. As you start to focus on its color, shape and beautiful aroma, BAM you are blindsided by the sharp fangs of a SABER-TOOTHED TIGER! There goes an arm!! (wow that’s graphic, sorry).
Okay let’s rewrite the script. Same caveman (both arms), only THIS time, you see the flower fleetingly and redirect your attention to any suspicious movement in your peripheral. You notice a gleaming beam of light bouncing off of something long, thin, white and sharp. A SABER-TOOTHED TIGER. Using a crude machete, you fend the tiger off from your mudhut and save your wife and 4 cave children. Seeing you so strong, protective and able-bodied, your wife shows her bountiful gratitude with a huge hunk of meat for dinner that you don’t even have to share.
(Thank you Jenny Sanchez of HostedbyJenny for the saber-toothed tiger image. I took her excellent course, Practically Enlightened, which practically enlightened me and I encourage you to check her out.)
When we were cave people, the faster we identified threats, the more likely we were to survive. These neural pathways formed at a critical time in our brains’ development. Even though we (for the most part) no longer have to concern ourselves with vicious saber-toothed tigers, we still act like we do. We are so fortunate that we live in a time that we can focus on the flower, yet we still choose the tiger.
Focusing on the negative leads to a variety of pretty awful emotions.
For example, we might assume that…
the new chef won’t make the spaghetti alle vongole as phenomenally as the previous one.
Reaction: Annoyance.
our significant other won’t understand our side of the story.
Reaction: Defense.
our flight is going to be canceled.
Reaction: Anger.
we aren’t going to be able to afford it.
Reaction: Anxiety.
even with lessons, we’ll never be good at salsa.
Reaction: Shame.
And finally, we assume death is the end of everything good.
Reaction: Fear.
But maybe it’s not. And maybe the new chef makes a BETTER pasta. And perhaps our significant other DOES get it. This flight could very well be one of the tens of thousands that takes off and lands according to schedule.
Neural pathways can be reconfigured through training. It requires tenacity, dedication and willpower. It’s hard. But so is barre.
Just do it, and it will get easier.
Try these steps.
Get quiet every single day for 10 minutes minimum.
Make a conscious effort to watch your internal reactions or thoughts to different events, like:
- Your phone rings unexpectedly.- Someone knocks on your door.
- A brand-new barista is making your coveted cappuccino at your favorite cafe.
Identify the times your internal reactions are negative.
Find the opposite reaction. Just consider a positive alternative.
- A friend is calling to invite you on a boat this weekend.
- A new admirer had flowers delivered to your door.
- The cafe owner poached the new barista from another coffee shop because he tried her coffee and it was the best he’d ever had.
Maybe none of this happens, maybe all of it does. The point is to rewire and look at life in a different way. The more you do it, the easier it will be, the happier you will become and the more positivity you will attract.
FYI - Instructor mentioned above is Pauline Case and she manages various Exhale Spa locations throughout Miami. Check her out.
